Days unemployed: 5
Number of resumes submitted: 10
Number of interviews: 1
Bank balance: 825.66 (mustn’t touch if to make rent)
Number of Starbucks beverages purchased: 7 (though one more pending, possibly)
Spoke to mum finally. Very troubled by situation, also very troubled that shopped at Aldi, so sending care package of things that are healthy.
Week one of being unemployed almost over. Can’t believe how time passed. Hours actually go by very quickly. Days have been disappearing. Yet nothing seems to be getting done. I don’t feel any closer to getting a job today than I did five days ago. Had goal of applying to six jobs today but could only find two that I was qualified for. Very upset at number of resumes sent out. Suppose it’s not quantity. Better to find a job that’s a good fit.
Unemployment Survival Kit:
• Plaid flannel pajama bottoms (to be worn indoors and out, all day long, with fly that spontaneously opens exposing same undies as yesterday)
• Go anywhere hoodie (must slump at belly for maximum slovenly appearance)
• Argyle socks (retired from days at the office, now worn with comfortable Adidas sandals, again, indoors and out)
• Dwindling pack of cigarettes (begs question: will quit when depleted?)
• DGNDC (Double Grande Nonfat Dirty Chai, for staying awake through monotony of job search)
• Chips and Salsa (primary source of sustenance)
Habituation: simplest form of learning. Organism consistently encounters stimuli and eventually becomes accustomed to it. Siamese fighting fish, shown its reflection in a mirror, eventually learns to ignore threatening expression and go about fishy business. House pets learn to ignore household noises and neighborhood sounds, unless neighbor’s dog, then never refuses incentive to bark. Or: boyfriend’s cat, still believes that one day, against all hope, will be let outside.
Frequent rejection from jobs: discourages from applying. Yet: must keep applying. Or: homeless. Habituation in city explains close proximity of people, yet mostly ignorant to surrounding people. City people tune out large amounts of stimuli, thus: Roman Polanski films. Neighbors: Satanists, trying to murder you, steal first born.
Unrelated: female chimpanzee imitates human by putting on cosmetics in a mirror, screwing lids off of jars, putting pencil in sharpener and turning handle. With these skills chimpanzee is qualified for many of the jobs I’ve applied for. Now competing for employment against all other primates. Put monkeys in room with computer and eventually will learn Quickbooks.
Errant thought: Other day observed squirrels and birds eating cheesy snacks left outside of trash can by sloppy neighbors. Birds: must eat all food can find, need to eat constantly. But squirrels: must store food, such as nuts. Squirrels need to forage for food that can be stored through the winter months when their food source is unavailable. If squirrel gets fat on cheesy snacks then not storing food for winter. Cheesy snack-eating-squirrels unfit for survival. Neighbors reducing squirrel population marginally and also imposing their own bad nutrition on helpless creatures.
Boyfriend stuck at work until further notice and tonight’s plans to go drinking with friends fell through so stuck up north with nothing to do. Another S-bux run? Think so.