Note to self: absolutely will not spill Hot Pockets filling on borrowed books. Will start taking better care of things in general, such as: no more washing things made out of wool, and especially no drying them. Wash jeans inside out. One day: dry clean shirts. I’ll get there.
Hot Pockets for dinner because no food present in refrigerator. Smoked another cigarette on the way to CVS to buy rations. Always feel guilty spending money, especially on food. Should be able to live off one meal a day. Rationale: not very active, one meal should sustain. Bought a diet coke, price was staggering. $1.58 plus a very steep tax. Should drink more water to save money and also to benefit over-taxed liver. Hot pockets miraculously two for $5.00.
On the topic of Hot Pockets: is there a person in the world who eats just one? Thoughts drift to Slimfast, used to drink with meal until discovered disturbing caloric intake. I’m very jealous of people who can eat proper portions of food. Example: one roll of sushi. I went to Osaka on Michigan avenue last Thurs. and ordered two rolls and was still hungry and had to eat some chips and a Little Debbie and an old granola bar I found in my bag to feel nourished. Belly pending. Anxiety about getting older with belly and without job.
Crushed about 20 ants to make myself feel better. Ants taking over apartment, crawling on all tactile surfaces in the kitchen except: table. Table is the safe zone. Will only eat food that can be prepared on table.
Boyfriend is working late tonight, won’t be home till close to eleven. Three more hours to kill. Will shower and reward myself with another cigarette. Work on new story for writers group. Iron shirt to wear tomorrow so I can look employable. Advertised on Craiglist: apply in person for secretarial job. Must bother boyfriend to use his printer to print out copies of resume, ideally on nice paper with watermark or some other nice paper characteristic. Doctor appointment tomorrow, probably not dying but still. Liver not well. Laying off the drink. Somewhat. Eyes very yellow the other day, almost catlike, surely a sign of failing liver. Friend of boyfriend rubbed some pressure points that are supposed to release toxins from liver. Also: spleen not well. Also: adrenals. Will drink less coffee and more water.
Wasted no time watching porn today, this is vast improvement over last week. Also, eating less pizza. Have a bit of a pizza problem.
Number of pizzas eaten last week: 4
Number of pizzas eaten this week: 1.5 (hot pockets were pizza flavored)
Listening to easy listening Pandora station. Two Ben Folds songs in a row, bad station, should listen to something else. Dread doctor appointment tomorrow. Must ask difficult questions about insurance ending. What to do about medications necessary for living? Also: dying?
Can’t believe I survived first Monday without Job. Hope something comes through soon, not that I don’t enjoy blogging, but I do very much enjoy having a job and money to do laundry. Clean shirts remaining: 2. Yikes. Need to be out of apartment, no cable and no air conditioning is no good for me. Stir craziness has led to an increase of knitting. Now knitting cozies for kitchen appliances. Likelihood of upsetting roommate with excessive knitwear: high. Boyfriend is fed up with knitting, unless for profit. Refuses offer to knit cozy for any item in his apartment.
More tomorrow. Must shower now.