September 16th 2009, Animal Behavior

Days unemployed: 3

Number of resumes submitted: 7

Number of interviews: 1

Bank balance: 161.54 (though groceries pending)

Number of Starbucks beverages purchased: 4

Animals often function in consistent predictable ways, AKA fixed action patterns. The albatross in mating season, quite randy, performs dance for female, AKA courtship. Male of species exhibits pretty dance moves, healthy plume, and gets lucky. Related action: man follows me ten blocks from Rogers Park to Andersonville on morning S-bux constitutional. Leers often and walks up to me and asks if I want to hang out, which in the gay universe (genus: homo, species: erectus) means I want blowjob. Informed homo erectus: have great partner, no touchy. All gay men same, Boystown population: 1.

Errant thought: mnemonic device for remembering animal classifications (kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species, variety) King Peter Came Over From Germany Seeking Variety.

S-bux constitutional otherwise successful. Ordered coffee, medium, dreadfully over-roasted, but more economical than drink of choice: The Double Grande Nonfat Dirty Chai, AKA crack in a paper cup. Love everything about the drink, perfect temperature, sweetness of chai leveraged by bitterness of espresso, frothy, delightful. Things that bring joy: boyfriend, DGNDC, both warm and delicious. Oh, and pizza, but also can be cold and delicious.

Trying to motivate self to write cover letter for rover position at Art Institute. Can handle more rejection from same institution? Dreading the awful process. Cover letter received by some evil hoofed ungulate in HR department with spiny tail and horns. Cover letter filed away never to be seen again, until purged from office one year later in a giant shred bin.

Errant thought: S-bux two-finned mermaid filthy and provocative looking. Always shown spreading fins in pornographic way with wild tousled sex hair. Suggest mermaid should cross legs like a lady.

Falling into own fixed action pattern: apply for jobs, drink coffee, masturbate, knit hats. So discouraged by lack of things to do that tempted to put on blazer, ride the train downtown, and walk around as if very busy. Try to blend in with the jobbers. Detest jobbers at the moment. Always looking at PDAs and swinging briefcases. Jobbers, order: rodentia, scurrying around the exercise ball of life, worst classification of animalia right now. Feel very incompetent. Wont lie, misspelled incompetent until spell check corrected. Shame ensues.

Sat around figuring out can make funny abnormal face with lips. Made video of action and took picture of self wearing newest knit hat.

Now time to go on adventure to Aldi for groceries. Funds getting low though. Getting paid Friday, last paycheck, much anxiety.

Kind Regards,

Zack Eliasz

PS: you didn't think I'd finish this post without said video and picture, did you?

Edit: just realized webcam records sound as well, embarrassment about awful music playing in background, coming from Pandora station. Deepest apologies