October 7th 2009, Measly peanuts

Days unemployed: 24

Number of resumes submitted: 29

Number of interviews: 3

Bank balance: 386.56 (downright disturbing)

Number of Starbucks beverages purchased: 28

The progression of a bad mood often happens the same way with me. I struggle to do everyday things like shower and put on deodorant. Rather than buying groceries I just order a pizza. Rather than talk to people about my feelings I talk to whatever book I’m reading, and expect the authors (Jonathan Franzen, Joan Didion, Rick Moody) to answer me in some way, listen to Norah Jones, agonize over the homeless man in the rain trying to hold his change cup out without getting it full of water or dropping the change out.

Errant thought: Am reminded of conversation between my mother and my sister—Sister was talking about how stingy she could be with her money, a likely trait for someone studying Business. My mother likened the behavior to clinging fiercely to her chest, trying not to drop any of her “measly peanuts.” She went on to say that if you hold out your arms you risk dropping some but are more able to accept more coming in. Moral of story: don’t be afraid of losing money, rather, make sure you’re prepared to accept more coming in. My sister suggested another alternative, to put her measly peanuts in a 401k and let them multiply on their own.

On topic: the call DID finally come, but was merely a formality to inform me that the position had been offered to someone else. So, that’s the end of that story. My mother, eternally optimistic (and celebrating her birthday today, happy birthday Mum), insists that the interview with a chiropractor coming up must be ”THE JOB,” because of the irony of the situation (for many years she was a secretary for various chiropractors).

We’ll see. Slept on a pile of (clean) laundry two nights ago because I didn’t have the energy to move it. Not that I did that much on Monday, but being depressed takes a lot out of you. Had a dream that Katherine Heigl was my best friend (?), and woke up in time to say goodbye to the boyfriend.

Forgot to mention that I went to Michigan over the weekend to spend the night with friends of the boyfriend at their lakeside house. Went on a boat, sat by fire, fell asleep prematurely after a riveting Wii bowling match that I decided to sit out. Spent a whole night away from S-bux and police sirens.

Rainy and cold yesterday, decided to make chili. Of course, made it far too spicy for anyone but myself to eat. Future note: one habanero goes a long way, six habeneros is, uh, lethal apparently. Boyfriend tried his hardest to eat it and was really sweet about it but I learned my lesson. Certainly not going to pull that when I go home and cook for the family.

Okay, off to go write the next great American short story.

Kind Regards,

Zack