Today I waited for the phone call that was supposed to come. When I interviewed the woman told me that she believed that if I could take the effort to come in and interview she owed it to me to call whether or not she was going to offer me a job. Two months ago me would find some positive optimistic way to look at this situation. I would tell myself that they were just deliberating extra hard and they were probably saving the best phone call for last. I would feel okay. I might post something hopeful and call my mother. But, the truth of the situation is I just didn’t get the job. And they’re not going to call to tell me that. If I email I’ll get a short apologetic email back saying they were simply swamped. Two months ago me would have bounced right back and found comfort in the fact that I have another interview with a chiropractor in a week. But, now I just feel like the job search is endlessly hopelessly more of the same. Everyone says I just have to keep doing what I’m doing and eventually something will come through for me, and I will, I just don’t know how many more times I can interview for positions, get myself really excited about the mediocre jobs I’m applying for, put on a pair of khakis, say all the right things, shake hands with people in the hire me kind of way.
Had an episode in S-bux today. I ran into a girl I knew from school and we talked for a while, nothing out of the ordinary. Then she left and I just completely lost it and went into the bathroom and cried for ten minutes. I’m not exactly the type to cry about things, I’ll admit that it happens once in a while, but it rarely just sneaks up on me like that. I just felt completely and utterly hopeless, like I made all the wrong choices, like I’m not worth anything. Then I decided to buy myself a burger and a martini to make me feel better. And I will admit, it did help. Especially because the bartender listened when I said A LOT of olives and the glass was positively swimming with them. Then I went home and watched chick flicks. Then I watched videos of people being frightened on Youtube.
It was a mental health day, just, without the mental health.
That’s all for now. Since I didn’t send out any resumes today I’ll have to make up for it tomorrow.