September 28th 2009, A people person

Days unemployed: 15

Number of resumes submitted: 26

Number of interviews: 2 (phone interviews count!)

Bank balance: 951.63

Number of Starbucks beverages purchased: 19

You read the statistics correctly. Officially have second interview tomorrow with veterinary clinic. Very excited, though may have sold soul to get interview as I described self as “a real people person.” Not sure what that phrase really means but it seems to bring a warm smile to potential employer’s face. I mean, I like people. People are good. I certainly have no problem talking to people or being around them, but I think that the designation of people person belongs more to car salesmen and cashiers at Forever21.

Errant thought: I truly enjoy saying the word croissant. Try it sometime, ‘twill bring joy to your day if you say it with a real French accent. Try replacing the ‘r’ with a bit of ‘w’ action and pronounce ‘sant’ as ‘sont.’ Just, really, a lovely word.

Frustrating: hearing about how my friends piddle away their unemployment. I don’t receive unemployment since I wasn’t technically fired from any job. So hearing about how people squander their money really upsets me. Example: one friend purchased every season of Battlestar Galactica and pink rain boots. Another friend goes out to the bars every night and buys drinks for people. Another: cute Tumi laptop case I had my eye on. Is it as corrupt as giving obnoxious bonuses with government bailout money? No (but on that heinous topic: what is with people including bonuses received on applications and resumes). But it’s still pretty gross. Maybe upset because I don’t have that freedom.

Boyfriend works late Monday nights so stuck home alone.

MS Word: unexpectedly just quit and I’m too lazy to retype everything I wrote after the last line.

Kind Regards,

Zack Eliasz

P.S.

Interviews result in this rare and embarrassing happy dance caught on tape. Even more embarrassing is that I'm listening to Interpol.

September 27th 2009, My boyfriend is a sheep

Days unemployed: 14

Number of resumes submitted: 24

Number of interviews: 1

Bank balance: 963.63 (apple juice is expensive)

Number of Starbucks beverages purchased: 18

Been having very strange dreams lately. Not sure what subconscious is trying to tell me. Other week had a dream that I made a giant cake for the boyfriend that he wore as a dress and drama ensued when dress started to melt. Then, last night had a dream that the boyfriend was a sheep and I was using his wool to knit with, but instead of just being a normal sheep he was just like a ball of yarn with a head and he was getting mad at me for knitting him away. Also had a dream that I was shooting people with arrows and they were attacking my apartment that was actually this big castle (which was still under furnished, come on subconscious).

Went to see The September Issue with the boyfriend yesterday. Medium diet coke cost $4.25, very troublesome. Seeing all of those magazine people working kind of reawakened my desire to work for a magazine or some kind of publication. Hopefully I can get in doing publications at this non profit, might even get a change to do some layout or article writing.

Was thinking I might not have had this problem if I had gone to Pratt for writing and done an internship at a real magazine rather than this fake one that I did at my internship at the furniture showroom. Boyfriend still reminds me often that I should have done an internship at his ad agency. Probably right but too late for that now.

Also: getting fed up with Pandora. Music feed: Aimee Mann, Pandora plays: Coldplay. Music feed: Contemporary Folk, Pandora plays: Coldplay. Music Feed: Echo & the Bunnymen , Pandora plays: Coldplay. Before it did this with John Mayer. Every station keeps getting watered down to play bland straight people music. Dave Matthews Band, Jack Johnson. Must put a stop to this. Also: enough covers of Mad World already. Went through that phase already, lovely song, don’t need to hear it twenty times a day.

Going to another party with the boyfriend tonight. Not really in the mood to be around a bunch of people. But, probably should get out.

Okay, going to browse job postings even though there’s never anything good on Sunday.

Kind Regards,

Zack Eliasz

September 25th 2009, Existential issues

Days unemployed: 12

Number of resumes submitted: 20

Number of interviews: 1

Bank balance: 973.91 (love unexpected paychecks)

Number of Starbucks beverages purchased: 15

Days without S-bux: uninspired to blog. May appear that I have funds for coffee addiction but must not touch if to make rent.

Met with someone from a nonprofit organization about doing some volunteer work. May be a good idea to keep busy and productive, even if not being paid. Very desperate for something to do. Days of sending out resumes and scouring job postings, knitting, walking around the block for no reason, starting to slowly whittle away at morale. Crawling up walls. Need something to do.

Therapist asks: what do I do for fun? No fun. Fun is something people with jobs have. Therapist also asks: do I define myself by the work that I do? Answer: yes. Without work I don’t feel like anything. So much of my life has been defined by what I do that I don’t feel like I am anything outside of that. Very troubling existential problem many jobless people face. Don’t have sense of self. Feel empty inside.

Was doing good cutting down on cigarettes until realized September is almost over and I still have no interviews lined up. Don’t even have any really good leads at the moment. Considering Banana Republic.

Actually ironed clothes yesterday. Haven’t done that in a while. Felt strange putting on the button up shirt and taking my leather bag instead of the canvas one I’ve been using. Felt like a fraud, like I was a little kid dressing up like his parents and pretending to go to work. Such a strange feeling. Weird sets of emotions. Go from feeling okay to depressed, to angry, to jealous, to brief moments of happiness then afraid, and annoyed, desperate. Unemployment: the every emotion.

Came downtown for no reason today. Went all the way to the bursar only to realize that I had direct deposit. So, went to Argo to use internet. Got Hibiscus chiller and spinach quiche. Going to go smoke more and feel sorry for self.

Kind Regards,

Zack

September 23rd 2009, razor blade commercial

PSA: when you don't trim your facial hair you look homeless

Before:

After:

P.S. Look at the cute bunny on my shirt:

September 22nd 2009, Bargain bin job hunting

Days unemployed: 9

Number of resumes submitted: 15

Number of interviews: 1

Bank balance: 812.16

Number of Starbucks beverages purchased: 13

Yarn fetish taking over unemployment funds. Absolutely can not stop buying yarn. Don’t know what it is that comes over me when I see a yarn shop or crafts store. Go into frenzied crack addiction mode and start grabbing yarn like crazy, rubbing it on face, sometimes want to dive into bins of yarn and swim in the cushy wool blends. One of the few things that brings comfort right now. So warm and pleasant. Sometimes buy more than need, just because I like being surrounded by balls of yarn like a little gallery of precious bundles of worsted weight joy.

Ran errand for boyfriend today, went to grocery to pick up some basics for soup. Stopped by Walgreens to pick up prescriptions (90.00, frightful really), and of course had to buy two new balls of yarn to continue making hats. Knit one hat this morning and halfway through another one. Trying to get enough together for boyfriend to sell at office. Muggy weather in Chicago today, lots of bugs flying about, especially tiny snot-colored ones that seem quite determined to fly into nose and mouth.

Birds: please eat the excess of bugs outside.

Feel very lost and hopeless. Job search isn’t going very well. If I’m qualified for the job it pays $9.00/hour or it’s some scam job posting or there’s fifty other applicants just like me. Don’t feel worth very much right now. Resent people with marketable skills right now. Couldn’t I have done anything other than creative writing? Surely wouldn’t have been as rewarding but might not be in this predicament. Thought about the Art Institute today. Miss working in the offices there. Felt like I belonged somewhere. Now feel like trying to stuff self into small size H&M clothes because on sale rack. Clearly doesn’t fit but try anyway because it’s on sale. The jobs available to me right now are like the sale rack of employment. There’s always a reason those items went on sale. Either they’re an ugly color or they don’t fit right or all the good sizes are taken and all that’s left is a purple XXXL sweater with a moth hole in it. And even then you consider it because it’s so cheap and maybe if you just tuck it in this way it won’t look so bad.

Wish I had more currency (marketable skills) so wouldn’t have to shop in sale bin (Craigslist job postings).

Don’t know, situation increasingly bleak. Going to go finish this hat and probably run another errand for boyfriend because seems to be only thing capable of doing.

Kind Regards,

Zack

September 22nd 2009, Correction

If you get a phone call from the number 1000000000 it’s not God calling, it’s a debt collector.

September 21st 2009, At least I don't have to call in sick to work

Days unemployed: 8

Number of resumes submitted: 12

Number of interviews: 1

Bank balance: 812.16

Number of Starbucks beverages purchased: 12

Feel ill today. Aldi food starting to take toll on body. Got food poisoning today from Aldi salsa, spent most of the afternoon crouched in front of toilet heaving. Very unpleasant. Worst part: very hungry, almost considered going back to lethal salsa for round two. Feel bad wasting money but must throw salsa away so not tempted by it in future. But what to eat with tortilla chips now? Those destined to go to waste as well?

Anyway, went to Pumping Company for a burger and beer for dinner. File that one under mental health.

Oh, and I have a lovely new cable-knit hat that I made from this olive green alpine wool I got from the fabric store yesterday. It’s super warm and fits perfect. Boyfriend suggestion: make ten more and sell for $45.00 each. My thought: make ten more and hoard them all for self. So difficult to let go of knit goods. Love them dearly. Although, $450.00 would be nice as well. Love paying rent dearly too.

Still feeling under the weather from nasty evil Aldi salsa. Might go lie down. Job postings quite dismal today. Art Institute updates HR page on Tuesdays so might be something new tomorrow. Suspense.

Errant thought: Tom Ford film, slightly excited for, but still think it’ll be complete rubbish.

Also: Got pushed out of way by ten children on skateboards today. Detest rollerchildren. Almost as much as jobbers.

Off to get some rest to heal my tummy.

Kind Regards,

Zack

And hat:

Quite an awful picture of me, really. Facial hair getting out of control. Should really trim.